Canadian's Encounter with Snow
A White Christmas in Canada

Dec. 8  6 pm.  It's started to snow.  The first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down over the area.  It was beautiful.

Dec. 9.  We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape.  What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle.  I shovelled snow for the first time in years and loved it.  I did both our driveway and our sidewalk.  Later the snowplough came along and covered our sidewalk with snow from the street, so shovelled it again.


Dec. 12. The sun has melted all our lovely snow.  Oh well, I'm sure we will get some more before the lovely winter is through.

Dec. 14.  It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 degrees below zero.  Shovelled the driveway and the sidewalk again and the snowplough came by and did it's trick again.

Dec. 15. Sold my van and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer so I can drive in the snow.  Bought snow tires for wife's car.

Dec. 16.  Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway.  All that was hurt was my feelings.


Dec. 17.  Still cold (below zero in the a.m.) and icy roads make for very tough driving.

Dec. 20.   Had another 14 inches of shit last night.  More shovelling in store for me today.  That goddam snowplough came by twice.

Dec. 22.  We were assured of a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and with this freezing weather, it won't melt till August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, jumpsuit, heavy jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc.) and then I got the urge to pee.

Dec. 23.   I was going to go ice fishing today, but my worms froze and I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my bait.

Dec. 24.  If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplough, I'll drag him through the snow by the balls.  I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over what used to be my lawn.

Dec. 25.  Merry  Christmas.  They predict 20 inches more of the f**king white stuff tonight.  Do they now how many shovels full of snow 28 inches is? To h**l with Santa, he doesn't have to shovel the white sh*t.  The snowplough driver came by asking for a donation, I hit him over the head with the snow shovel.

Dec. 26  We got 28 inches of snow and then some. I must be going snow-blind or have a severe case of cabin fever because the wife is beginning to look good to me.

Dec. 27.  The toilet froze. If you go outside don't eat the brown snow.

Dec. 28.   I set fire to the house. Now that white sh*t won't cling to the roof!



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Editor's Note:
This is an anonymous account of a Canadian living with snowy conditions.  Laugh along!  Just an old fashioned Canadian sense of humour!